"Don't tell anyone, keep this a secret, I don't want so & so to know, this will make me look bad, I can't tell you for I'm protecting someone." Sound familiar? Right now there are so many situations where I'm supposed to keep a secret that I'm finding it hard to keep track of them. The best thing I can do is simply be quiet but I won't follow that advise in my own life.
For years I hid myself from others, fearing what they would say about me and how people would perceive me. Then I bled into my marriage and family. I wouldn't say things to my wife for fear of who she would tell & how that might make me look.
Then my own personal life blew up years ago and such secrets were no longer something I could control. Soon both sides of our family knew I was a sex addict which made family get togethers rather awkward to say the least. Soon business associates knew, ministry partners knew, then I blew it all to hell & confessed it before our church.
You know the amazing thing? I rarely was rejected by anyone. It seems a person who is honest about their failings & sins is pretty well received these days...at least that is my case. When I stopped trying to control my image people didn't seem misjudge me or reject me. I was scared that so many would know such intimate details of my life but now I don't really think about it that much.
People think of me as rather safe it would appear. I lost the image of a "leader" and gain the image of a real person. Not a bad trade. Now I have folks coming to me secretly asking for help, seeking to understand from my life experience...amazing. The thing is that I simply give away what I've learned. I don't glean some awesome insight from Kelly's brain but I simply give away what some therapist, some good pastor, good friend, gave me. I'm not sure I'm trying to "help" them but I'm simply being honest with them....big difference.
Occassionally I ask myself, "what secrets about yourself are you keeping?"
The answer to that will determine how healthy I will stay.
-Kelly
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