Xbox and the Kingdom of God

Ever been hungry for something more than what you are experiencing? Ever wonder if there is something more? Someone told me that if you look at fills a person's life you will see the hunger in them. I've watched some nonbelievers do some amazing things and have the Lord speak to me that there is a future missionary who will take the gospel into tribes into lands that others will avoid. All before they have even embraced the gospel.

For years I just hung on to survive. My marriage was crumbling, my leadership was gone, my kids were denied a father and I fought to just hang onto a life that I took for granted. For years in recovery it was just survivial mode. Just make it to another sunrise, just make it to another spring, another winter, another birthday. One day at a time...just survive. There is a time for such mind sets, I had my season and that season is over.

I learned a lot in those desperate times, learned to stop struggling, learned to surrender, learned to be a peace with Kelly. Something about beating yourself up it's awkward and it looks ridiculous. Surrendering my addiction has taken as I made peace with myself. Accepting myself allowed me to let go of my comfortable nightmare. Accepting myself was learning to show the grace to Kelly that God had given at the cross. Funny thing about grace the one who rejects it the most is usually yourself.

Xbox helped me in those desperate times, I could go online and kill someone, hunt down the enemy and blast away with my online gun. I could learn to snipe, learned to hide, learned to use new guns and for hours I could escape into something fun. I could laugh and enjoy that little boy inside of me. But it seems that in time the fun of it all kinda faded. I learned to cuss at the TV when someone got a quicker shot on me. I learned to stay up till 2am and learned to drive to work tired. My investment online passed from mindless fun to irritation, anger, frustration and discontent.

There is a new wind blowing in our local church. Our pastor is hungry for more, our leadership is hungry for more and I'm hungry for more. The reason for retreating to Xbox has changed, I don't want to retreat anymore, I want to advance God's Kingdom. I'm not settling for just being "recovered" I want to be launched. I feel like the ancient Israelites who finally got out of Egypt and wandered in the desert eventually they tired of that as well, there is more than just not being a slave now you want to take possession of the land God promised you. That is why Xbox is now kinda boring. Why lose yourself in a fake world when there is a real one waiting for you? Xbox and the Kingdom of God...there is no comparison.