Facing those doubts...

I've been a believer since I was a child. Never really had issues with doubting. Never. But I had a major change in my life about nine years ago when I was diagosed with an addiction and entered into recovery. Most folks "find God" in recovery. For me, I found doubts. I was angry at God for several years, I resigned my ministry, I was confused.

My love for God wained and I just attended church for the sake of my kids. The farther I got into recovery the more honest I tried to be and eventually I began to see why I had my doubts. I had signed up some nice contracts with God that He never agreed to. Several times I said in frustration "But you signed this agreement with me" and His loving patient response was "actually, I didn't".

So my raging, angry doubts slowly went away but I must confess that my passion and my zeal for the Lord is not where I would like it. I try to do a bible study everyday especially during the week and I just finished up a study in the book of 1 Peter. In verse 14 &15 I came across this verse: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..."

It wasn't too long after that study that I was at a job site (I sell fire alarm systems for commercial buildings) and one of our best installers was there. He and I have a love/hate relationship. I'm the sales guy who doesn't know how to bid jobs properly and he is the installer who wastes time and doesn't work fast enough (laughing). We joke about our "friction" for it is an age old problem that most sales guys and installers struggle with.

Then as we sat in a pub and were talking he asked me "so you were a preacher right?" and the converstion took off. Turns out he is an atheist and feels religion is just a way to control people. I smiled and we talked for about two hours. I didn't have a good answer with gentleness & respect. I had some answers but they were not well organized & thought through.

So I'm on a journey to have those answers, a reason for the hope that is within me. I downloaded 10 hours of Lee Strobel's book "A Case for Christ" so the journey has begun.

Now I just have to mix it with gentleness & respect...