Humility & Acceptance

I'm working from home today and taking calls from a man who is responsible for taking a huge account from me. I was anticipating that 2009 would result in less sales for me thus less income because of the business market. What I didn't anticipate is that my best account would be taken from me apparently due to politics at our office and the desire to make sure an older gentlemen has enough work for next year. I am looking at a loss of income in the neighborhood of 50%. Yikes.

I'm working through fear, resentment, bitterness, anger, etc. How I wish I could say that I immediately surrendered the whole deal to God and am "fine"...but I'm not. I woke up a couple of times since this new "arrangement" fearful and worried. I've confronted the parties that were responsible told them how I felt (angry and betrayed) so at least I've not kept those emotions inside so they can sizzle my peace and contentment.

I was a bit irritated at God...having those questions "OK, big Guy, I thought you had my back on this one!" I went through those stages of being disrespectful towards Him (sorry if that offends) but it reflects some of the things that King David said in the Psalms. In the Psalms David often seems to be saying "where the hell are you God?" I love his honesty.

So I feel like I've been kicked back to square one at work and I'm confronted with how am I going to proceed? Am I going to be angry, bitter, unhappy and resentful for 2009? What am I going to feel when this gentlemen in our office brings in a large sale that would have been mine? Ah, isn't life fun?

Was I wronged? Yup. Am I helpless? No. I could quit. No one is forcing me to keep working there. So what to do? How do I proceed? In times like this I look back over the lessons I learned in coming out of a 30 year addiction. Those were not fun times I assure you. But the only way to freedom from such a powerful jaws of defeat was to embrace humility and acceptance.

God has allowed this circumstance to occur. He could have stopped it but He didn't. I enjoyed this account for all of 2008 and earned more money (frankly) than I ever have in my life. I was able to set aside for my daughter's college costs as well as my son's. My wife and I got to go to Hawaii, San Francisco, and Miami this past year. So I have much to be thankful for. It was fun. We probably blew a lot of money we could have saved but when the businesss sends you to these places for free it's hard to say "no". (Laughing).

So humilty & acceptance...are my keys to walking in 2009. Accepting the circumstances not as necessarily as "God's will" but simply as "allowed by God"...the allowing of God and the will of God are often very, very different things coming from a loving Creator.

I'll write more about this later but the bottom line is that I can trust Him. I will see what He wants to do in this circumstance and if I accept and stay in humilty...I will see Him turn it around for my blessing...should be an interesting year.

-Kelly